The Time Draws Near

I am thirty-eight and a half weeks pregnant now. The time of delivery is drawing near and I am so excited! I am looking forward to this birth more than any other. Partly because we're giving birth at home which is how I've always wanted to deliver my babies. Partly because we don't know the sex of the baby and I can't wait to look down and see if I have a son or a daughter. Mostly because I am such a different person now than at any other time I have given birth. For the first time I feel like I am going into this birth experience with wisdom. I know my stuff! I know my body and more importantly, I TRUST my body. This pregnancy has been quite the journey for me.
Each new day brings promise, each new child brings hope. It is hope I will cling to as I embrace the world around me and my true self.

Homemade Bread

I've been on a real kick lately for making bread. Not the kind where you dump all the ingredients in a machine and press a button but the kind where you mix, knead, let it rise, punch it down and finally get to smell the sweet scent of baking bread. My children have been happy to help me in this endeavor and the whole family has been all too happy to help eat the accomplishment.

I think making bread is becoming a lost art. Certainly, there is an art to it. One it has taken me a while to learn, with nothing but books to guide me. One I want to pass onto my own children and hope they will then pass down to theirs. There is something so peaceful and old-fashioned and just plain homey about making bread. I feel connected to past generations, to my history as a woman. That's something important to me.

It's easy in this modern age of hustle and bustle, electronics and time-saving kitchen machines to forget to stop and savor. I want to savor all the parts of my life. My food and the preparation of it, my children as they grow before my eyes, my home and all the special, non-descript moments that happen in it. To some, my life may be boring, but it is MINE and I cherish it. Making bread for me is just another way to stop and smell the roses.

Childhood

"There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer and the morning more fragrant than ever again." ~ Elizabeth Lawrence
Is there anything more exhilerating than being a child? The freedom of absolute innocence and the beauty of pure, untainted joy creates an elixir that we as adults search for the rest of our lives. We look in love, in money, in religion and friends. To find it though, we need only to look at the face of a child.
When I see the momentous amount of life in my daughter's face, my own life is made better. When I see her joy, my own joy is, finally, complete. Her innocence and love and purity give my life purpose and peace. I find in her petite smile and rosy cheeks a perfect sense of what life is all about. It's about her. My life is about her. And in realizing this, my life is made complete and that for which we all search is found.

Making Laundry Detergent

I've been buying all-natural laundry detergent for years but have decided I'd rather just make it myself. So, I found a recipe and tried it out for the first time this week. I have to admit, I had a lot of fun making it and I am probably a little too proud of my accomplishment. I liken it to the extreme excitement I get when buying vinegar in bulk.
I have now washed several loads with this homemade detergent and it has worked very well. The consistency is a little gloppy, but it works. I do want to add some essential oil for scent though. But all in all, I feel it was a success. And at three cents a load, my pocketbook likes it too! As much laundry as I do with four children, less expensive detergent makes me almost as happy as bulk buying that vinegar I mentioned.
Here's a link to the recipe I used, should any of you like to try making your own soapy slime:
Homemade Laundry Detergent

Deciding I Wanted More

I'll never forget the day I decided I would be a mother to many. It was not something I had just always known or even something I came to gradually.
The date was May 19th, 2002. I had learned just over a month before that I was pregnant. I had no plans for more babies and had not, in fact, planned the one I was currently carrying. But that day changed everything. That was the day our baby, a boy named Carter, died.
I came from the hospital that day devestated beyond description. My life was turned upside down by a single moment. Never had I realized just how precious the life of a child, MY child, was. It was that day, as silent tears poured down my face, that I determined to have as many children as I possibly could.
Here I am, seven years later and the happy mom of four with a fifth on the way. My oldest two are twins, boys and are five years old. They are Gideon and Gabriel. Gabriel is as obssessed as I am with green living and takes our recycling and compost on as his life-calling. Gideon wants to be a Kirby salesman and loves our cat, fresh apples and reading.
My next child is another boy, aged five. Micah is the loudest creature you will ever meet and posesses the sweetest spirit known to man. He gives more cuddles than I can sometimes bare.
Our youngest at the moment is our only daughter, age two. Loralei is beautiful and sweet and dramatic and definately the princess of our home.
Our fifth (a surprise until d-day!) is due on June 8th and with any luck at all, will be my first homebirth and third VBAC. We are looking forward to this little one's arrival with great expectations!
Choosing to have a large family has been one of the most fulfilling and challenging things I've ever done. It sometimes frustrates me to tears and sometimes brings so much joy I think my heart my break. It is a choice I have never regretted and carry through now with hope and love. This blog is my journey. These children are my life, my legacy, my pride and my joy.